Gems from a three-year-old

1) "When I die I'm not going to go to heaven. I'm just gonna go to the hoppital."

2) As I'm heading out the door to yoga: "Mom - can I go to your yogurt class with you?"

3) Me: "Sit up, quit screwing around and eat your dinner!!!"
Nick: "My body can't sit up."

4) "Mommy, your legs need a hair cut."

5) Points to a mole on my neck, "Mom. You have a nipple right there."

6) As he's just about pulling my arm off while walking through Wal-Mart:
Me: "Nick, knock it off."
Nick: "I can't. Kingy-woos hop. I hafta hop."
*Kingy-woo = kangaroo.

7) Recently, my Mom has been taking a piece of candy from the desk of a co-worker for Nick before she comes over. Its Willy Wonka stuff - probably left over from Halloween.
"GRAMMA! Did you bring me some turds?!?"
*Again, for the English speaking folks, turds = Nerds. Don't ask where the swapping of the N for the T comes from.

8) Nick's jumping around his bedroom
Me: "Who are you?" (knowing his penchant for pretend games these days)
Nick: "I'm Innie-Anna Jones!"
Me: "Cool!" He's clearly "fighting" someone. I ask who.
Nick: "Spiderman."
Of course.

9) Nick: "Mom, we should have a girl baby in our family."
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Nick: "Yeah. We should have lots of babies. TEN babies." Counts to ten on his fingers.
Me: "Just where do you think all these babies are going to come from?"
Nick: "From jail."
Me: laughing "But we want nice boys and girls in our family, not naughty ones, right?
Nick: "Noo..." (shaking his head like I'm an imbecile) "The bad Mommies and Daddies go to jail. The kids can just come here!"

10) Pointing to his little brother: "Hims the bad guy."
Will grins at him, clearly not understanding the game.
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Nick: "Yeah. I hafta under arrest him."
Nick takes his brother's wrists, one at a time, and makes a clicking sound as he twists his hands around them.
Side note: No, we're not letting him watch inappropriate TV; Daddy's in law enforcement.

11) The boys are in bed, more than an hour after I tucked them in. Its been quiet, making me think they're actually asleep. Suddenly, while loading the dishwasher clear across the house, I hear a "MOOOOOOOOM!"

Thinking something may be wrong, I come running. "What?"

"William's still awake."

12) He also has been picking up names he hears in the news and doesn't know they're people. While over at our friends' house one day, the kids were jumping on the "jumpoline". A group of us parents were standing a few feet away, chatting, and suddenly we realize all the kids were laughing hysterically. Coming closer, we hear Nick jumping around the other kids, laughing and saying, "BarackObamaBarackObamaBarackObamaBarackObama". The kids didn't know "BarackObama" was a person, either. They just thought it sounded funny.

A few days later, walking around the house, I heard Nick talking about "John McCain + 8".

13) Last night, as I was tucking the boys in:
"William! I love you! Go to sleep like a good boy, OK?"