If I weren't a Mom, Summerfest would have gone like THIS.

1) My entire Summerfest visit this year would not have been limited to the hours of noon until two on Monday, free day. Also called Children's Day, I would NOT have tried to fight the crowds composed of every day care in the entire city and their charges.

Looking at it now, this picture doesn't do the crowd justice. It was taken around 12:30 p.m. (30 mins after opening) on a Monday. Yikes.

2) I would have gone to hear a really grand band (or two, or three or 12). I would not have been content with the sounds of Rumbleseat I could hear from the Miller Lite stage while sitting along the Lake scarfing my lunch. I would have gotten tickets for Colbie Callet and John Mayer last night, or Tim McGraw for tonight - or Tom Petty for this upcoming Saturday.

3) I would have had a beer with my corn.

4) The new Harley stage would have had far more people at it when I visited.

You can't really see it in this photo, but there are motorcycles along either side of the stage.

5) I would have been standing on those bleachers, dancing along with the band.

6) I would not have waited 15 minutes for my three-year-old to get an airbrush tattoo of a snake on his leg. (I don't know why we did this period. Seemed fun at the time, I guess.)

7) I would have listened to Finger Eleven* at the Zippo stage and posed for an obnoxious photo afterward with friends in front of the giant Zippo car. But instead I took pictures of my kids next to it.

8) I would not have stopped to pose for a photo with the banana lady. She was just creepy.

Do you see Will's face? He was like, "WHAT THE....?!?"

9) I would have eaten far more than just the BBQ pulled chicken sandwich from the Charcoal Grill.

10) I most likely would have started a random conversation with a stranger about a tattoo. Two years ago, it was the guy who had a large portrait of a young Johnny Cash covering his calf. He was impressed that I knew who it was. Beer played no part in that conversation. At all.

11) Sunburn would probably have been an after affect.

12) And I probably would have shared a turkey leg with my girlfriends as we walked out of the grounds and to our car.

13) Instead, the only souvenirs I took home were these:

Eh, I think I'll keep 'em anyway.

*Sub post: So, last night I went out for pizza with the boys and my Mom and Tom. My mother, who by hipness standards is 187 years old, tells me my youngest brother is going to see Finger Eleven.

"You know, you hear 'em on 99 WMYX."

Now, WMYX is a local station who's target audience is the 40ish set and specializes in soft rock. My 21-year-old brother would not have been going to see something on their stage. So I argue it with her. "Mom - there's no such band as Finger Eleven. I think you're thinking of Matchbox 20 and Mark would not be going to see them."

"Yes there is. Finger Eleven. You know, their song goes like this," and she hums some indistinct melody while swaying crazily back and forth. We're seated in the middle of the dining room and I start to feel like a 12-year-old again. I'm embarrassed by my mother in public.

"Mom, no there's not."

"Yes there is. They're famous." We argue for awhile - I must note that Tom doesn't think they're a band either - and finally she says, "Yes they are. I'm going to find their song on the Internet and send it to you."

Tom and I burst out laughing. My mother has an aversion to anything with buttons. She can't operate her own DVD player. The mere fact that she knows there are songs online impresses me. But she'd never be able to find them, let alone send them to anyone.

She called Mark and left a message - we made a bet of a bottle of wine. Guess I owe her a bottle of Kendall Jackson. Damn it.

The funniest thing? She gets home and has my *other* brother Jeff call my cell. I missed the phone cuz I had stopped at a friends' house to drop something off. The message went something like this:

"Uh hi Colleen. Its Jeff. I have some tickets to Summerfest tonight and Erica [his girlfriend] can't go. I was wondering if you wanted to go see Finger Eleven with me. Call me back and let me know or I'm just going to go by myself cuz I really want to see them."

I called him back and we had a good laugh about it - he didn't think Finger Eleven was a real band either. Neither did the friend who's house I'd stopped at while Jeff was leaving the message. DANG IT!!! If you want to hear one of their (probably their ONLY) famous songs, you can do so here. The one I recognize is called Paralyzer.