I was in the car alone today when I heard that song again.
I've heard it HUNDREDS of times since that day I first met you. But something - the time of day, the time of the month - something made me instantly remember what it felt like to be that uncertain fourteen-year-old girl again. That girl who had no idea as to the potential she possessed, the beauty others might see, the strength she would find -- all within her rail-thin, awkwardly tall body.
I remembered what it felt like to have an entire summer stretch out in front of me -- hot and stifling in its humidity and lack of activity. Weeks would go by when the only thing I had to look forward to were the days I could somehow get out of caring for my brothers and have a few hours to myself. I always felt guilty about that stolen time - it meant that more than likely, my younger siblings weren't really being watched after at all.
I remembered that feeling of uncertainty I had about everything in my life...would I be popular in high school? Would I be smart? Would I be successful? Would I have a family of my own, with whom I'd have a chance to do so many more things RIGHT?
Would I ever NOT BE POOR?
And just as instantly I realized that in some way, THAT song was a keystone in my life...it bridged the gap between then and now...it had been speaking to me all along but there was no way, at fourteen, I could understand what it was telling me.
YOU are the salve that has soothed away all of the uncertainty. YOU make me feel confident, and powerful, and beautiful. And blessed. That day I met you, the day I first heard that song, I had no way of knowing that the cocky dark-haired skater-boy would be the man who'd love me in spite of all of my awkwardness, and support me when I was most vulnerable.
I had no way of knowing that YOU would give purpose to my days and be my biggest supporter.
I realize that through whatever new things we are facing as we move into this next chapter in our lives?
I'm certain we'll find a NEW song, together.
We just may not know which song it is until we're old and gray.
You know, as we watch each other's limbs fall off. ;-)