I wrote this post as a journal entry on June 6, 2011. I'm sharing it now because it occurred to me today how close I am to living this dream -- even more so than I felt I was the day I wrote it. And because I have no idea why I never published it here in the first place. :)
What's my dream?
Miss Britt wrote a post a few days ago about the power of writing down your dreams and goals.
And if this ain't the right place in my life to be writing down dreams I don't know what would be.
Almost every aspect of my life has changed recently, and while I'd be lying if I said it wasn't overwhelming or that I hadn't had at least one freak out bout of tears that seemed to come out of nowhere, I know everything is changing for the better.
I'm happier, even now, in the midst of all this upheaval than I've been in a very very long time. I feel like I'm finding the true ME...finding what's important to ME and finding out how to obtain what I want.
I almost feel like if I don't write down my dreams right now my life will just get filled back up with "stuff" - you know...like when you carry around a bigger purse even though you feel like you don't need all that extra room until you suddenly realize you're carrying around a 10 lb suitcase filled with CRAP simply because you had the room for it.
I don't want CRAP. I want more that is real...more that is meaningful. And if what is real and meaningful to me doesn't fill up every aspect of my life to the rafters, well, that's OK, too.
I want a relationship with someone who really values me for ME. Every aspect of me. Some parts of me are too serious and need to be toned down -- other parts too silly and well, tough break. The silliness stays. I want someone to laugh with and spend time with -- someone I enjoy being around who enjoys being with me where everything is just easy. What I don't want is anxiety and stress and any feelings of "I have to do this or he has to do that." I want someone who likes the same types of activities that I like and has values similar to mine (family/friends/relationships are important -- do what you say you'll do -- say what you mean -- help each other -- and be honest, always). I want someone who's funny and smart and cute and is good with kids. I want someone who loves me and can't live without me.
I want kids who respect their parents and are polite. I want kids that can run around and have crazy kid fun and can play make-believe like no one's business. I want kids that are smart and goofy and eat their dinners without constantly making farting noises. (OK, that last one will probably never happen...but I'm good with conceding on that.) I want kids that climb trees and get dirty and pick me fistfulls of dandelions. Kids that say, "You're the best, Mom," and "I love you, Mom," and "Thank you, Mom."
I want friends who'll be there for me when I need to bitch about the little things. Friends who'll call to see how I'm doing when they haven't heard from me in a few days. Friends who'll help me move or who'll go see a movie with me on a rainy afternoon. Friends who will honestly tell me that my butt DOES look big in those pants or that, dude, I DO have parsley in my teeth. Friends who will lend me a book or a sweater or $20.
I want couple friends who have kids of their own who'll invite me and mine over for a cook-out, where the drinks and the cards and the laughter lasts well into the night, after the kids have fallen asleep on the couch or on the floor. I want couple friends to vacation with for doing more of the same of this in slightly different places. I want thrown together I'll-bring-a-dessert-you-bring-hot dogs trips to the lake on hot summer days. I want thrown together let's go to the park invites and just bring the kids by offers.
I want to fill my new apartment up with a jumble of pretty little things that are meaningful to me. Collections of items that define and explain my life and who I am. Stuff that has a story behind it -- even if that story is "I saw it and thought it'd look good hanging there." I want to know neighbors who'll drop by to say "hi" while I'm puttering around in my kitchen or helping a kid with homework. Near-by friendlies who offer used kid clothes or anecdotal stories about what worked with their sons.
|My most recent wall-hanging addition, one of my Instagram pics printed on canvas|
I want to build around myself a community of people, each of whom has a purpose in my life, whether it be large or small. A group of people who know without hesitation that I'd give any of these things back in a heartbeat.
And I have to say that if I hadn't written all this down I would have never realized how close I am to living my dream. :)