End hiatus.

I hate this blog.

Wait, that's not true. It's more that I hate the name of this blog. I hate that the word "Mommy" is in it. I don't think my children have ever called me Mommy. I hate that the title of this blog implies that my life is 100% defined by my children, which it's not.

So half of me thinks I should rebrand this blog, half of me thinks "fuck it - that's how people know you", and half of me says "trash the whole thing and start something new." But two of those options would mean I'd have to come up with a new blog name and that's just too much damn work.

What's clear, though, is that I need to write. I'm a writer, that's what I do. I write things. And I've got to start somewhere. If I'm ever going to write anything of any meaning or ever (gasp) be paid for what I write I have to start somewhere. So here I am.

I think this is going to be one of those 'stream of consciousness' posts where I just sort of dump out what's in my brain onto the virtual page and hope it makes some sort of sense to anyone who might read it. I thought it was totally odd that I logged into this account only to be faced with my page-view stats and they're still pretty damn good even though I haven't written anything in months. What the heck, Internet? I beg you for attention and get mediocre results, then throw my hands up and walk away and get the same mediocre results? I'm not entirely sure how to take that... Like, part of me is proud that I must've written something of some value or people wouldn't still be reading it online, but the other part of me goes, "HEY. What the hell??? Does it even really matter if I'm here at all???" But mostly that last part of me gets told to go back down to the den in the basement and go back to watching reruns of Remote Control. Because clearly there should be a universe somewhere in which that's still on television. (See also: How the hell am I old enough to have loved that show?)

But I digress.

I wish I had a focused goal for this blog. I have good intentions. I sat down a few weeks back (you know, in those days when I told myself every day, "Hey, you know what you should start doing again? You should frickin' WRITE.") and wrote down a few key things that I knew I wanted to write about. The problem is that post-it is stuck to the back of my bill notebook at home. Not here with me. Which does me absolutely no good. I remember it said "family, technology and pop culture" but at the time I had come up with a really clever way of tieing all those things together. Is that right? "Tieing"? Or should it be "Tying"? That looks weird too. Spell check, you silly bitch, you know I don't mean "toeing". Thanks for nothing.

How sad is this? So far I've discussed the fact that I don't want to change my blog name to something more fitting because I'm too lazy, and clearly demonstrated that I also cannot come up with a list of valid topics I'll be writing about on this blog for much the same reason. And that I do not trust spell check. Which? Also? How the hell do you tell autocorrect on your phone to stop changing "so" to "do" every damn time? Because that is a pain in the ass. Seriously? "SO" is totally a legit word. On the other hand all I have to type is a "z" and it autofills to "Zumba". I guess maybe that makes it even.

Oh on another "did you know" note...did you know that in iOS 7 you can chance Siri to have a male voice? And you can set it to have an English accent? You cannot, however, tell the British male Siri that you'd rather call him Jarvis. Apparently that would lead him to have an identity crisis. Not that I've tried that or anything. But seriously, how awesome would that be??? "Jarvis - give me directions to the nearest Panda Express!"

OK. I am really getting nowhere here except to accomplish what I set out to do, which is get writing again. THAT TOTALLY MAKES ME WIN. Take that, MONDAY!