Monday, January 26, 2009

Deja vu all over again

As I've mentioned, I found myself this past weekend at a resort in the Dells we haven't been to in some time.

In fact, as we floated along the lazy river in the hotel's indoor waterpark, I mentioned to Nick that we'd floated together on that very same "river" before.

"Nuh-uh, Momma," he replied, rocking the double inner tube from side to side. "Daddy said we didn't go to this water park before."

Well, technically true. Sort of.

When we stayed at a water park in the Dells over our vacation this past July? It was at a different resort. When we took a mini get away with friends the October before that? A third hotel.

But this particular resort? Nick would not remember.

Because when we stayed at the Kalahari last, I was eight months pregnant. With Nick.

My friends and family chose a weekend in October of 2004 to throw me a baby shower, and it was the typical "to do". Baby blue cake, party favors and decorations. Baby shower games (gag), sandwiches and punch. As new parents-to-be, Hubs and I got more baby loot that we ever dreamed we'd need.

After hauling it all home that chilly Saturday afternoon, we decided to make the most of one of our few remaining child-less weekends and get out of Dodge with some friends. Those friends already had kids, but she could get us a great room rate, seeing as she's in the hotel biz and all.

So we made the two hour trek westward and later that evening I was happily floating like the elephant seal I was on the aforementioned lazy river. The waves of which were heaven on my poor aching back. Ahhh...



Unless you consider those screeching heathen children doing canon balls off the deck and landing 3" away from my tube. Dammit, where are your parents?!?!

But I digress.

There were four tubes in our floating convoy - my friend's hubby (let's just call him "Bob") in one, my friend (we'll call her "Carrie") in another with their older girl on her lap. Hubs was in a 3rd tube and me and my whale belly held Bob and Carrie's precious baby in what was left of my lap in the 4th.

Their beautiful little angel girl was four months old at the time and was nearly drifting off to sleep with the lull of the waves. When she wasn't, she was cooing and babbling like she had something important to say. I was so ready for my own baby to make his appearance I jumped to offer to hold her as we floated.

Mesmerized in my hormonal state as I was by her fist chewing and googoo-ing, I paid little attention as my dear friends and the Hubster floated further and further away from me down that little river. It just went around in a circle anyway, right?

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

Fast forward about 20 minutes of floating and rocking and googoo-ing and I find that the lazy river empties out into the wave pool. At the deep end. problem, right? Friends and hubby are playing with their older girl in the waves and laughing at her cute little "I'm one and have curly blonde hair and big blue eyes" antics.

Meanwhile? I'm floating away.

With each wave, I'm being washed further and further up onto "shore", and there's little I can do to stop it. I mean, I could juuuust reach the baby as it was, and the one underneath her is no longer all too happy he's being sat upon, even if said sitter weighs only 15 lbs.

After just a few minutes, I find myself beached. The ass of my cute little maternity swimming suit? Is now RUBBING THE BOTTOM of the wave pool, which is conveniently rough so as to prevent slippage.

And the worst part?


Alone, without the cute babe on my lap it would have been nearly impossible to get my fat arse out of the middle of that tube and stand up. But with her? No freakin' way.

So I start to figure that someone's got to see me and offer to help, right? And, like, how long could my friends possibly stay away? Those wave pools only "wave" for like 10 minutes at a time, right?


After five minutes, during which the "already been born baby" is none the wiser that we are at all stranded or in any different condition than we'd been all along, I begin swivelling my head from side to side, searching for those who are laughing at me to implore their help.


No one. (WHA? Really?)


So I start to wave one arm at a time in the general direction of my friends and lovely husband.


So there we sit, the dear babes and I, stranded like a dead whale carcass (just a little less smelly) for what felt like half an eternity before my "friends" came to save me.

Would you believe they actually stood there and laughed at me before helping me up?

Eh, who'm I kidding? I would've done the same thing.


Colleen said...


that was funny! And I'm guessing these are INDOOR rivers and wave pools?

Marni's Organized Mess said...

That's awesome. LOL.

anymommy said...

That is a really good story. I might have laughed at you, but I definitely would have helped you. said...

Truly funny. I can't believe they left you that long. Seems you were a good sport about it. At least it gives you something to laugh about now. :-)

Tammy said...

I think you needed new friends! ;-)

Funny story.

Valarie Lea said...

Ok I can't stop laughing!!! Oh this was good!

Muthering Heights said...

Now that is just MEAN!

Blue Castle said...

That is mean. But kinda funny. Still, mean.

World's Greatest Mommy said...

Love the description of the whale belly. LOL. I was trapped in a recliner during a Thanksgiving dinner 9 months pregnant with my first one. Everyone went off to dinner and I was trying to roll myself out of the chair. It was so loud in the other room that nobody could here me yelling for help. I was annoyed, but can laugh now :)

Bahama Shores Mama said...

that right there IS some funny stuff......

and a true friend would have grabbed the camera to document it!

We are THAT Family said...



Loved it.