Thursday, November 4, 2010

30 days of truth, day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.

So there's this thing going around the internet wherein people write each day for 30 days, being completely honest. Now, the posts I've seen linking to where it started have like 3 different links in them (so-and-so did it here, and then whats-her-face did it here and then good-ol-whats-his-britches-did-it-too) and I'm just too darned tired to go back and find a post with all those linkies so just know I didn't come up with this and yes, I'm sorta being a follower by doing it too, but deal with it.

I'm also not going to post every day or even probably do every one of them cuz dangit - that's too much committment. But on a day where I'm thinking "Self, you should probably post something again this week," and then "Yeah, but I just don't feel like thinking too hard," it totally fits the bill.

So here we go: Day 1: Something I hate about myself.

This is hard for me, which I guess is the point. Its not to say that I think I'm so freakin' awesome that I have no flaws, its just that I've accepted them to the point that I'm aware of them and they make me who I am, and feel I'm really not horrible person for having those flaws.

But A-#1 on top of the "I hate about myself" list would have to be the fact that I can't ever just BE. I can't ever settle, I can't ever accept that not everything in my life is as I'd like it to be. I'm constantly striving to do better - to do more - to fit more of "life" in.

I rationalize it like this - we've all got just one life on this planet, and like hell if I'm going to sit back and miss out on anything. And when people press me, I follow up with, "This country was founded by people like me who had a want for more. If they'd have settled, we'd be British." (No offense intended, British friends.)

I realize that sometimes this makes me crazy. This past year, we've trekked all over this damn state, and many times, I've travelled with my two small boys by myself. We've been to four weddings, three bridal showers, and a family reunion, and all but one of those was out of town. I spent a week in Jamaica and five days in New York. We've visited friends from out of town, taken in a Packer game and spent a weekend at a water park.

All while my husband and I work opposite shifts and sometimes go days without even seeing each other in person.

I could probably count on both hands the number of days the four of us have been at home together, just hanging around the house.

And this "I can't just BE" theory applies to the rest of my life as well.

You should see me at night when I sit and watch TV...I can never just watch TV. I have to watch a show that I've already recorded so I can fast-forward through the commercials and play a game on my laptop or chat with a friend on Facebook at the same time.

I can't seem to ever let my brain rest.

I don't know if I'd know how to act any different, but I often think I'd be happier if I could just learn to love where I was in my life at that moment, instead of asking myself, "OK, but what's next?"

The List
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


Marni said...

Yay! You're playing along! I am excited to see what you come up with. I totally said I wasn't going to finish it either, but now I am on a mission and I won't quit. I bet you'll do the same. Today was my hardest day. I think I did well though.

I'm the same way. I can't watch a movie anymore without the iPad on my lap blog hopping . Ugh.

Melissa/Green Girl said...

I wonder if you're wired this way or if it is something you can change? Like your taste buds.

Blondemomblog said...

I'm the same way. We have popcorn and movie night on Fridays but I am guilty of constantly getting up and checking my iPhone, making drinks, checking Facebook. It's tough for me to just relax and do NOTHING!

Blondemomblog said...

p.s. Every once in a while on the weekends when I'm out with my family I'll play the "let's just leave the iPhone" at home for hours game. GASP! ;) My husband has a Crackberry so I know if someone really needs to call us they can reach him. It really does wonders for me to not be connected constantly to my email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Bananagrams said...

I can't take criticism