Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Summer of Boys

I haven't been writing again lately. Obviously.

You see I'm living in this wonderful world of Little Boy Land and we've been busy squeezing every moment of enjoyment from it we can.

This is the summer when my children are no longer "too little". They're full on BOYS. They love sticks and dirt and bugs and asking questions about every single thing that might ever slightly occur to them.

"Momma, why can't vampires see their reflections?"

My after-work hours are filled with Nerf darts and Transformer masks, baseball gloves and popcicles.

Transformer mask + Batman costume = Perfection!
Transformer mask + Batman costume = Perfection!

We've been to baseball games and parades, gone camping, taken off the training wheels and jumped in the pool. Fifty-six hundred times.

First time riding without the training wheels!
Will looks nervous for his turn.

We've gone out for ice cream at bed time, colored our hair blue and purple and climbed on rocks.

Boys climbing

My life is a whirlwind of applying and reapplying sunscreen and Shout!ing out the dirt from the seats of my sons' shorts. I've attempted to teach them how to roast the perfect marshmallow, how to choose the right spot for your tent, how to put up that tent. Taught them how a compass works, how to use binoculars and to say "thank you for having me."

Day at the beach!

I've applied and removed temporary tattoos and stickers and Spiderman band-aids. I've put "itch medicine" on "skeeta bites" and Neosporin on scrapes. Explained why you shouldn't scratch either.

Grinning with bubbles on his tummy!
Grinning with bubbles on his tummy!

Its no wonder that I'm exhausted. But you know?

I'm unbelievably blessed to have all of this.

Road trip pot stop!

I needed to write this today, to remind myself of just how lucky I am to have my kids and the life I have. I had a bit of a breakdown last week -- some days it all just feels like too much. In addition to being a single parent and working my job and paying my bills and balancing a budget and making a home and trying to have some sort of personal life of my own...its overwhelming to always be the kind of parent who wants to give my kids more than what I had as a kid; to be the parent who does all of the "extras" and has fun and teaches and has patience through it all. Some days it feels hopeless to think that possibly...maybe...I might not always be doing all of this alone. I was feeling defeated and powerless and tired. Why do I bother to keep doing all these extra things for my kids? Do they even notice? Do they care? Does anyone? I needed a friend to kick me in the pants and remind me that when I feel like no one notices, she does. When I feel like no one loves me that I have her, and my kids...THEY love me, always. Even when I'm being stupid. And THEY are the reasons that I keep going...keep hoping...keep giving it my all. Even if no one else notices.


Melisa Wells said...

Oh gosh, EVERYONE notices. You are a fantastic mom, Colleen. I can't imagine how hard it is, doing what you do alone...but YOU ARE DOING IT.

Call me anytime you need a shoulder. I'm here! xoxoxo

Stephanie Precourt said...

You are so beautiful, inside and out, and I know those moments of feeling like that so much. I am a quitter by nature and struggle with the voices in my head so much. But you keep doing, because you ARE doing it and doing it RIGHT. :)


As Cape Cod Turns said...

Your kids notice, we (your friends) notice and most importantly you do for them because you love them. Hang in there Colleen, the single life is not the easiest, but if it is better than it was when you were married than it is worth it. Trust me, I know :) xoxo

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Your kids notice and they will remember and someday, maybe when they're parents themselves, they'll realize just HOW much you did for them.