I think we're alone now...

This post comes to you from the slightly buzzed brain of a Mommy away at a conference by herself. Said Mommy is not responsible for anyone upset by the strangly unconnected yet highly entertaining thoughts jotted down below.

1) It is not required to actually arrive at the airport two hours before a flight on a Sunday afternoon that is flying out of Milwaukee, WI. This will result in nothing more than two hours of watching completely bizarre gymnastic acts on the final day of the Olympics while eating a crappy yet highly expensive lunch.

2) If you get a seat on the plane next to a goth looking girl who is all but 19, don't gaze at the "sleeves" of tattoos that cover her arms with a perplexed look on your face as you try and figure out just what is on her left bicep. She just might look at you and be able to tell that you are thinking, "What the HELL?!?" and not be too happy about that.

3) Don't worry about shuttles that don't have seatbelts. Or working CB radios. Or drivers who curse out their radios for not working in a foreign language while you ride in them. Its all good and despite your fears, you will arrive at the hotel and not bounce out at an intersection as you believe.

4) When you get to your hotel in Texas, don't be surprised if everything fulfills everything sterotypically possible about "the Lone Star State". Country music playing over the loudspeaker? Carpet with cowboy boots and 10 gallon hats on it? Big giant stars on everything? No problem. Roll with it. And, yes, everyone will say "y'all" at y'all.

5) Don't be concerned if you check into your room and only 2 hours later come back to find housekeeping has been in to give you new soaps, new towels and a full ice bucket. Thinking the axe murderer is behind that bathroom door? Pshaw! The front desk clerk will just tell you they're friendly here. Don't be worried that your room is in the furthest corner of the furthest wing of the hotel. Nah...

6) Free drinks for everyone!!! Let this be a lesson to ya folks (and one I didn't have to learn myself - thankfully, I have too much common sense for that). Just because you can drink all you want to doesn't make it a good freakin' idea. I was at a most interesting dinner tonight with a handful of colleagues from other companies like mine. Dinner and drinks were provided at a wonderful steak restaurant on the hotel grounds by a software company for some of its best and closest clients, including moi. The "main dude" is my age and recently married - so recently that we all toasted him at the start of the meal. During the festivities, a cougar um I mean woman who's known said main dude for years was drunk and falling all over him. If I weren't so festive myself I could relate to you some of the atrocious things she said over fois gras and filets, but they iclude (though are not limited to) "Oh yeah, you know I'll do anything for you, baby," and "You know I love you, right?" How she didn't see the rest of us rolling our eyes or laughing into our wine glasses is beyond me. In fact, that's probably why I drank so much - I couldn't think of a better way to shield my smile.

Tomorrow promises another long day of seminars, but even more opportunities to experience non-Mommy life, and you bet your sweet bippy that I'll report on all of it for y'all stuck in the mires of diaper-dom and hissy fits.

So long as Freddy Kruger doesn't visit my room in the middle of the night, anyway.