You can easily scroll down this page and find that I don't regularly post here anymore.
I had someone ask me the other day if I'd been writing more, now that I'm home more. That'd be a big NO.
Its not that I don't want to, its just that I'm not sure if this is the right forum for me anymore.
This isn't a "Good-bye blog!" type of post. Its a "here's why I haven't been posting" type of post.
In the two years I've been writing here at this lovely little spot on the Web, I've gained quite a following. (And don't let that lonely little feed counter chicklet fool you - it may show only 180-some subscribers, but I know, from comments I regularly get both in real life and online, that many people who don't subscribe in a feed reader read what I write here.) That following includes family and friends...people I've known my entire life...and co-workers, old and new.
Its easier for me to bare my soul and just write what I feel when I think no one I know is listening.
Maybe that's weird, or maybe that's what binds those of us in the blogging community. I don't know.
But the truth is, a lot has changed in my life in the past few months. I knew it would throw me for a loop, and GOD has it ever. I went from being on the verge of a freakin' break down only to add more to it while working, packing and moving.
And sometime just after we moved? We decided it was finally time to just let some things go.
I put in my notice to leave my full-time job.
It was a HUGE relief. No more hour-long drives to get downtown, no traffic to fight, no clothes if I didn't feel like getting out of my PJs.
Only they weren't willing to accept my resignation. Cuz it turns out? There aren't that many people in the entire state who do what I do. Huh. You don't say.
So we worked out a deal where I would work part-time, from home. Sounds like a dream, right? They were going to hire someone to replace the old full-time me, and hopefully keep me on PT hours to do some of the more mediocre (yet important) things that can get overlooked in light of all the busy-ness of the work day.
But that was more than three months ago.
So, yes. Its been nice to be able to dilly-dally over breakfast in the morning, and to close up shop at 3:30 in the afternoon if I so choose. But this new lifestyle brings with it different challenges. Like, oh, if you have a hubby who sometimes works overnight shifts, well that means that you may just have to juggle taking care of the kids AND work so he can sleep. And that? SUCKS.
We've discussed sending the kids to the sitter's on some of those "Daddy Sleep Days", but that would mean getting them up and dressed and fed and out the door by a certain time and dammit that sucks too.
Above and beyond that? Its just plain LONELY being a cop's wife. For five years now we've worked shifts opposite each other and its really wearing on me. Its exacerbated by the fact that we now live out in the boonies and I no longer actually see any of my co-workers. Our kids are very young yet and they need more attention than I seem to be able to give.
I swear, as God is my witness, I will one day eat my dinner again before its cold.
I go days without really seeing my Hubby except for maybe a few hours while we eat or run an errand or two. When he is off, I want to cram as much fun into life as possible. Because, let's face it, being by yourself with two kids, no matter how great they are, isn't usually much fun. Adult fun, anyway.
So, yeah. Without going into it further, my life just isn't what I thought it would be, you know? I realize that makes me a freakin' cliche...that hundreds of thousands of other people the world over feel the same way. I mean, that's been the basis of how many movies and books?
Instead of writing what I really feel about it all, I just keep cleaning my three bathrooms, keep picking up toys, and play one more game of Solitaire.
Cuz that's apparently the type of slacker I am.