Friday, October 1, 2010

GTL, baby! (Minus the T and the L.)

For those of you who don't know me, I'm pretty much a big freakin' spaz. I often laugh at things that others may not find funny, and always laugh at myself. Cuz I'm tall. And lanky. And a really big klutz.

Somehow, to me, work-out classes at the gym are always hilarious. Either I'm laughing at the instructor's choice of music, how clich├ęd I feel being a chick in a workout class, or just how inept I feel not knowing what's going on in Zumba. (Or just how much the well-bootily-endowed woman next to me likes to shake what her Momma gave her. It was like an industrial paint mixer, I swear.)

I figure the laughing makes for an extra good workout, right? Like, my abs are doing extra work, which is saying a lot, given the core-strengthening class I take on Thursday nights can really make you feel like you've been hit by a truck. Which is, I guess, what you're going for. The class? Is called "Hard Core". C'mon, say that and not giggle. I dare ya.

ANYWAY, this week's class just had to go and be all "extra difficult" for us gracefully-challenged folk. It involved one of those great big giant exercise balls. You know the kind. Let me illustrate for you:

Go ahead. Laugh at my drawrings. I don't mind.

Anyway, the instructor had us put together one of those step aerobic steps, with an extra "leg piece" on top. The pieces that make up the legs are these open square thingies, and putting one on top made a nice little nest for the great big giant exercise ball. Here, let me show you another angle:

Hey - are you making fun of the way I drew crappy illustrations and then took
crappy photographs of them?

One series of exercises we did with the great big giant exercise balls (heh heh) went a little something like this:

See my swell pony tail? I look so happy!

Step 1: Lie on your back with your butt just in front of your step. Bend your knees and grab the ball between your feet. Lift your head and shoulders off the floor. Try not to have flashbacks to being in labor, most certainly the last time you were anywhere near one of these great big giant bouncy balls.

I know, I know. If I were really this skinny I wouldn't need the stupid class.
Step 2: Keeping your head and shoulders off the floor, extend your legs until they're straight. Don't let go of the great big giant ball (hee hee!) with your feet, or accidentally fling it over your head.

Really, I wasn't still smiling by this point. But I was too lazy to re-draw my head.
Step 3: Go all out whack-job crazy and lift your arse up off the floor. Somehow do this while your head and shoulders are still, also, up off the floor. Notice that you and your great big giant exercise ball make a great big giant J.

What? Your knees aren't disjointed like that?
Step 4: Lower your butt and silently thank GOD that you're still breathing.

I was definitely not smiling at this point.
Step 5: Bend your knees and touch the little nest thing on top of the step with your ball.

It is imperative at this step that you do NOT lose control of the ball or bring it down too quickly. For some odd reason, this sort of scene flashed through my mind:

Those are WORRY LINES around my eyes and mouth. Like Charlie Brown.
If you can't control your great big giant ball (heh) it might just hit the top of your step and kareen out of control, bouncing and skipping across the room. Which would be funny, but probably only to you.

Now, this didn't actually happen to me (for a change), but you know darn well that I thought this out in my head, and while laughing about it, realized that out of the 15 or so people in the class that I was the only person to have grabbed a blue ball - everyone else had red - so that even if I had accidentally lost control of my great big giant exercise ball, everyone would have instantly known it was the giggly chick in the back who dun it.

Who's joining me for Zumba next week?

5 comments:

Marni's Organized Mess said...

Alright, I found the RSS button (chicklet), but now will you teach me how to add the tweet chicklet? I checked feedburner and twitter and don't see it? I just want simple buttons...

THANKS again! <3

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

We are gym twins! Holy crap! I'm that person too---only I'm short, not tall, and I do laugh my butt off through any kind of work out.

Molly said...

It's like reading about myself at the gym! Only I would have actually ended up sending the ball bouncing across the room. Oh man. The uncoordination. It's truly remarkable.

Glad to know I am not alone!

Patty@NYC Girl at Heart said...

I love love the drawings! The were perfect! I'm glad the class went well and all balls were in place! LMAO!

Melisa with one S said...

HOW did I miss this???? Hilarious!