Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'm 30 - must be time for a little "finding myself"

I go into every weekend like this past one with a sense of dread. The hubster was scheduled to work and with the exception of a family get-together on Sunday afternoon, I had absolutely nothing planned.

I anticipate HOURS of overwhelming stress and anxiety, existing at that point where I just cannot take one minute more of my children or my house without going nutso or ending up on the evening news. I feel, at the end of the work day on Friday, similar to how I feel on a Sunday night - dreading that what I'd been enjoying is over and its "back to the grind".

Yet at the end of each weekend like this, none of that is true. Far from it - in fact, I feel rested. Happy. Like I'm not quite as far behind or underneath the pile that is my life.

So, after quite a few of these weekends, why do I still feel that dread?

I can handle my kids. In fact, I handle them better. Without the feeling of RUSHRUSHRUSH, I am more likely to sit on the floor and read Goodnight Moon in the middle of the afternoon for the 3,564th time. I am more likely to set up the race car track that is a pain in the a$$ to put together and not freak out when the living room rug is covered in toys. I am more likely to let Nick help me make dinner, and the prospect of a trip to the grocery store for milk isn't so mind numbing.

And they act better. Well, its easier to notice in the older one. But during said trip to the grocery store on Saturday night, he did not grab the donuts off the shelf and throw them into the cart, but instead said, "Mama, can we get donuts? For breakfast?" Why, yes we can!

But what part of me needs to have constant activity? Why do I feel the need to get me and my kids moving, doing, sharing, learning? I'm sure there's research out there that shows what kids learn when they're not constantly going-going-going. I'm sure its very good for them.

But how do I get rid of that feeling? Why do I feel like I'm going to miss something when in all reality, I would miss out on so much more with my kids if I didn't have these weekends?


morninglight mama said...

Oh, I'm totally with you here! I need to remind myself to stop, and just play. Our kids deserve some down time with us, with no intended outcome, reading the same books again and again. Good for you!

VDog said...

It's funny you write about this because I LIVE for the weekends when we get some Daddy time and I can get a break, since I'm a SAHM.

Try to find a balance, and realize that "doing" and "activities" are NOT required to raise a healthy, engaged child.