Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Making due.

I wish I had more time to write here.

I wish that, for an hour a day, I had a cup of coffee and a cozy spot and the ability to let my brain purge itself of whatever thoughts are plaguing me for that day. Or whatever small happinesses I may have enjoyed that day. Or whatever crazy game my kids decided to play that day.

Any of it would be good to share. But I've been so busy with life lately that this blog (and any form of personal relaxation) have had to have been put on hold.

As I ran the water for my shower this morning, I thought about all of this. My relationship with this online space is a lot like the relationship I have with my husband.

I would like to think that while I don't have a whole lot of time with him, that the time I do share with him is more meaningful - better written - than if I were to see him every day. That when we are together, we do lots of interesting things and take our kids to cool places, and make memories that are worthy of sharing and saving forever.

But even when we do have those rare stretches of time when we're together more often, something always seems to come up. This past winter while I was working part time from home he worked a lot. He ran into overtime because of traffic accidents or had snow to clear from the driveway when he got home. We weren't getting along the best. We went through a period of adjustment after our big move and everything-about-our-lifestyle change.

This past week and a half he's been on vacation. And where was I? Working. Work has been the busiest for me since I've gone back to work full time. It was checking email from home, logging in to work on the weekends, busy time hell. (And still will be for the next week or so.) So during a time when we'd hoped to be able to squeeze just a few extra outings or cookouts in the backyard while he's home in the evenings, that just didn't seem to work out either.

But I guess, thinking about it, I'm glad to have the time regardless. I'm not about to give up on having a life that I can actually share with my husband any more than I'm willing to give up on writing on this little blog on the internet. It is what it is. I get what I can get. Its better than the nothing I'd have otherwise.

And maybe someday I can have that hour of writing while my Hubby waits outside the door to spend some time with me.


WeaselMomma said...

It is what it is. I'm just glad to see you alive and kicking.

Karen MEG said...

I hear you ... "busy time hell" - exactly. It sounds like we're leading parallel lives here, except you're a whole lot younger, taller, and blonder :)!

Since I've been back full time, life has been crazy too, and you describe the relationship with the blog PERFECTLY! I'm working this week while the hubs is on vacay...but at least he's got some quality time with the kids, and the stress of the AM isn't so bad.

I'm glad that you're going to BLogHer this year - let loose, girlfriend! I regret that I didn't book it myself, I really need it just about now.